Quotes from The Simpsons on Religion

The Simpsons

The Simpsons used to be one of my favorite TV shows, and is often chock full of amusing quotes about religion. Some are just truisms, others reflect popular culture quite well…

Homer: Stealing! How could you? Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what’s-his-name?

Have you encountered people who call themselves christian who’s faith seems about as developed as Homer’s? I mean, that’s bad–Homer not only couldn’t remember the guy’s name (after being a regular attender for years) but can’t even remember what title one gives a pastor. I’d be willing to bet he also missed a few others of the fundamentals of faith–

Ned Flanders: I’ve done everything the Bible says – even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!

Doesn’t it sometimes seem that way? Contradictory and impossible? Well, most of that contradiction comes in on the finer points–that a lot of things are not absolutes–that even though something is wrong, we should still have compassion on the person who sins.

“Oh, everything’s too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody’s a sinner! Except this guy.” –Homer Simpson

Jesus. He is the light and the way.

“I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?” –Homer Simpson

If that’s why you’re there, you shouldn’t be there. Don’t go to church to learn about suffering–go there to learn about how to lead a better life, how to improve your morals, how to end worry in your life, how to find yourself happy and full of love in all situations, no matter how life may treat you.

Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done.” –Homer Simpson

Sometimes we all try and do this with God. But is this how God really works? Not exactly. Not the best of tests of God.

Marge: Oh, no, it’s the Apocalypse! Bart, are you wearing clean underwear?
Bart: Not anymore.

Should the Apocolapse fill you with dread and fear? No.

Lisa: It’s the Rapture and I’ve never experienced true love!
Homer: I never used those pizza coupons.

Are you focusing on the “pizza coupons” in your life? Take a look at your sense of priorities.

Marge: Why aren’t we ascending into Heaven…Oh right, the sins.

Not exactly. Through Jesus our sins are forgiven–if only we ask. However, I’d be willing to bet, (fictional though they might be) the Simpsons never actually wholeheartedly asked that Jesus would be their savior.